Spiritual Signs of Co-Dependency

Co-Dependency is not always easy to see.  And in the LDS faith, since there is a great focus on service, it can become even more hidden.  I see co-dependency as Satan's counterfeit to charity.  The following list is an example...
True Principles                                                Counterfeit

 Faith (trusting God)                                       If I can control you, then I can trust you

                                                                       

Hope (from God)                                            Trust in the arm of the flesh (hope in me)

                                                                       

Charity                                                            Give until I’m exhausted.  No boundaries, no limits.  I have to work my way into Heaven. 

Be a Peace Maker                                           Smooth-over everything and everyone.  No conflict, no anger.  Keep everyone happy

Love                                                                Enmeshed, Dependent, lost in each other

Intimacy                                                          Intensity, support each other by saving/ fixing/ or turn a blind eye to spouse’s faults and sins – minimize them so that everyone is happy

Godly Sorrow                                                 Self Pity, putting myself down, beating myself up

Broken Heart/Contrite Spirit                          Self-Hatred, self loathing, secretly believing I am worthless, unwanted and undesirable

Obedience                                                       Rigidity, extremism, judgmental

Humble/Meek and Lowly of Heart                Passive, Being a Door Mat, deny my gifts and talents, unable to take a compliment – either it makes my head swell or I push it away and discount it

Disciplined                                                      Compulsive, giving 155%

Committed                                                      Zealous, Obsessed

Confidence                                                     Arrogance, need to be “one-up,” need the spotlight

Surrender                                                        Lose the war, give up, be weak and powerless, without protection

 

A Message of Hope

Many times people struggling with addiction say - "I feel all alone.  When I pray, it's like no one is listening."  Trying to connect to God, to feel His love, His presence is often hard to access.  One recovering person remarked, "I know I'm suppose to trust God, but I've never felt a bond or anything with Him."

Remember, every ah-ha moment, every time you gain some new insight, every time you feel someone else's love, every time you gain a new perspective - your eyes suddenly open to a truth you never saw before, all of these experiences come from the Holy Ghost.  Every time a phrase hits you from the LDS Addiction Recovery Manual, even though you've read that chapter many times over, that is God teaching you, reaching out to you, talking to you.

The powers of Heaven are always there - either preparing you to experience God's love for you more fully, to actually have a moment of clarity and personal revelation, to having your own personal miracle with the Savior.  You are never alone on this journey.  Even something as small as having a twinge or a little thought pushing you to go to the recovery meeting - that is Heavenly Father talking to you.

 The Adversary wants you to feel isolated and alone.  But you are not.  Many times you are being ministered to by some unseen messenger from Heaven.  Every tiny step you take is motivated and supported by God.

Never stop looking for the Savior.  The New Testiment tells of people climbing trees, forcing their way through a crowded street, walking for days, ripping apart a roof - all just to be able to see, hear, touch and talk with Jesus.  King Lamoni said he would give up all his sins - all his traditions - his cultural based ceremonies and behaviors - everything that made him a Lamanite - to know God.

I worked with a young man for several months trying to connect to Heavenly Father.  He'd pray, but never felt anything.  He struggled in his addiction.  He struggled with anger and pain and resentments.  He became more and more despondent.  Maybe Heavenly Father just didn't love him.  We worked on removing stumbling blocks that kept him from God.  As he worked to let go of all the stored resentments he had towards others - and he had many who had been unfair and unjust with him - a miracle happened one day.  He was filled with an outpouring of love.  He later said it was as if God was hugging him - it felt that real.  This was what he had to give up - what he had to do to find God.

I promise you Heavenly Father is there.  He wants you to succeed.  The Savior wants you to come unto Him.  He wants to heal you, to make you His, to have you be reborn.